Almost every Friday morning my husband gets out of bed at 5 am to join a ride with friends and clients. I don’t often join him because I don’t like to get up early and because I find the ride to be intimidating. The group, while very friendly, is big. And fast.
For me to keep up, even with the slowest group, requires pace-lining, or drafting, my husband. Riding in his slipstream, with his rear wheel and my front wheel very close together, allows me to keep up a much faster pace than I would normally be able to maintain and avoid embarrassment.
Joining the ride this morning, the second time in two weeks, I considered what’s required for me and my husband to ride together in this manner – love and trust.
First, the love. My husband is a very fast rider. He easily could be hammering it out with the A group on Friday mornings. But instead, he sticks with me, pulling me along and obsessively checking that I’m still on his wheel. It may not seem like much to some, but for me this attention and support is better than any bouquet of flowers or piece of jewelry.
Then, the trust. Sticking on his wheel means I can’t see anything in front of me. I don’t know if he’s braking. I’m not sure where we are turning. I can’t see if there are holes, cracks or other issues on the road. I have to let go and give up a bit of control, and when it becomes too much, give myself some space.
As I rode I also found myself thinking about our 20-year marriage, and how our best days are those where we get the balance – love and trust – correct, and together we can go fast (or accomplish anything).
Photo: Stealing Lea Davison’s motto – Happiness is Fast – as seen on the mug I received earlier this year at Bittersweet Women’s Weekend.
8 thoughts on “Love, Trust & Happiness”
I’m so glad you are still writing here occasionally. So few peop,e write about their experiences at this stage of life. I really appreciate it. My husband and are in our 25 th year of marriage, and 35th as friends. It has been so much work, and so satisfying.
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Thanks Tracey! It is interesting how we share so much about the years when the kids are young, but get quiet as the days go by. I’m not sure if it’s because the problems are bigger, the situations are more personal, or we are just too busy, but I’m with you – I want to hear more from those of us past the “little kid” state. And I appreciate your honesty – our marriage is work. Good work. Satisfying and rewarding work. But still work!
I really missed the mommy blogs and podcasts when my kid hit her teen years. There just wasn’t a lot out there about how people were making their way. At the same time many friends also stopped talking very much about their kids. I think in part out of respect for their privacy but I also think in part because their successes or failures were seen as reflecting more on us. A bad grade, a night partying, an unpleasant attitude, or despression all seem to reflect on us as parents differently than potty training or smacking a kid in play group did. And I frankly think they are scarier problem and harder to talk about. All the more reasons to be grateful for your partnership with your husband.
Wow, I have problems putting my Life into someone else’s hands. I have trust issues. I can only do that with God. I am sure it took lots of courage to rely 100% on your husband. This really shows how very much he loves you. It is really great that he will do this with you.nThis was sweet. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for commenting Melanie!
It’s also important to note that there are times when our roles are reversed – when he has to trust my instincts or experience. It can be difficult, that’s for sure, and we don’t always get it right. But we keep working on it!
(Sorry – Marianne, not Melanie! Clearly Friday has caught up with me).
Kristin, how lovely! And so very true. My fine Irishman (by ancestor) with the very blue eyes and easy humor will celebrate 40 years of marriage. Both of us have contemplated how we made it this far. Love and trust are the main incredients, of course. There are days when life makes me feel I am working without a net. Then he’s there, at the ready to catch me. He tells me the same.
When my 22 year old self said I do, I wish my 62 year old self could have whispered that I was about to experience a love like I’ve never known was about to be mine. He’s still the one I run to. Love and trust. The not so secret ingredient.
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Oh my goodness Susan. Your comment left me with chills. You got it just right. Congratulations on 40 years of love, trust, work and rewards.
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