Has anyone seen my bat?

Today was the kind of day when instead of being calm, careful and correct, I considered what it would be like to start swinging a baseball bat and Knock. Some. Shit. Down.

Last night, over a much needed dinner and drinks with girlfriends, we talked about the power of remaining calm.

I get it. Staying calm is incredible effective in every situation. Online or in person. Kids or grownups. Friends or strangers. Losing my cool never works, and often does the opposite of what was intended.

But it is so unsatisfying.

Once upon a time I was someone who, in a lice-induced fit, slammed a portable CD player into the wall of our guest room. Even today I can remember the moment of peace and satisfaction I found right after cracking the drywall.

I don’t think my husband found it nearly as satisfying.

There are some days, like today, when I still want to be that person. I want to slam some doors. To break some windows. To burn some bridges. To speak first and then consider the consequences.

But, of course, I won’t, because I don’t really want to. Because nothing that happened today was truly terrible, just annoying.

Because all that breaking shit came with a lot of fence mending, guilt, apologies and cleanup.

And I don’t have time for that.